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Your Cheating Girl…

… is my favorite girl. Allow me to explain why.

The Scenario:

So, you catch your girl cheating on you? Even worse, you catch her  in the middle of the act. Sure, anger is one of the first emotions that comes over you. This might escalate to rage and possibly end up in murder. Now we don’t want that so, take some time to consider what has lead you to this situation. And whatever you do, don’t take it out on the dude that you catch dick-deep in your cheating girl.

First, you can’t even be mad at the guy. Unless he’s your best friend or your brother.  But still remember it takes two (or more) to have hot, passionate, sweaty sex on your bed, while you’re not home. So, ask your self, preferably in a calm and serene voice; “Hey, self. why is this happening to me?”

Chances are that—with a clear head—you will be able to find the answer very easily. Either you have been neglecting your woman, not satisfying your woman, or you’re in a relationship with a slut that likes to sleep around.

Monogamy is not natural to animals. However, humans, which are animals, insist on making this the standard relationship structure. I’m fine with monogamy. I’ve even tried it a few times on a few women. It can work, but it takes work and so many of us are not willing to put in the work required to make it…well…work.

I prefer my relationships open…to anyone. But, this is just my view point and this is not just about me. It’s about you, your cheating girlfriend, and me, in your cheating girlfriend.

So, let’s say you have been neglecting your woman. If you have been, shame on you! She’s a great woman, that’s fun in bed,  that deserves your time and attention. Now, if you have been doing so due to your work schedule; trying to provide a good life for you and her, then maybe you do have the right to be mad. That’s actually fucked up, and you should leave her…with me.

Still, you can’t get mad at the guy banging her. For this story, let’s call this guy, “Me”. Me is just the pizza guy, delivering the extra large, meat-lover pizza that your girl ordered, because you didn’t bring home the bacon. Me had no idea she was on a diet.

Ok, what if you are not satisfying your woman regardless of how hard you try? Don’t worry. It happens to many men and women. I’ve read about it somewhere and heard about it from your lady. Well, in this case, you can’t be mad at Me or her at all, can you?

In fact, you should actually be happy that she has found someone to handle that difficult task, leaving you with less to worry about. Go up to the dude, shake his/my hand (if it’s free), and thank him/me for his/my hard work.

Then you can do one of the following two things… Option one: Go grab a seat in the living room (if we’re not using it at the moment), grab a drink, grab a good (long) book, wait ’til we’re done, cuddle with her when I’m gone and talk about what just happened and why. Option two: The details may vary based on your personal preference, but in the end you kill yourself. We wont miss ya. Just kidding! Don’t go killing yourself over your cheating girl because she may end up feeling guilty and depressed and that is almost always guaranteed to ruin the sex. Don’t be selfish, dude. Beside, once you’re dead she’ll no longer be in a relationship and the appeal will have left the building along with the good dick I’m supplying. So don’t be selfish. There are others involved and you’re not just hurting yourself (that was my PSA for the day).

And finally, if she’s just a slut then you should have already known about that. Every other guy does. She can’t hide such a characteristic for too long and chances are, that’s why you’re attracted to her in the first place. However, if this is your first introduction to her slutty behavior, then just be glad that you know now, before you get married and have kids. If you’re already married and have kids then I’ll pretend like I didn’t know that and politely step out of your beautiful naked wife and go home, or to your neighbors wife if the he and kids are not home.

But I digress. What I’m trying to say is, it happens. In my life I have personally (and literally) run into so many sluts that pose as good girlfriends and wives to their unsuspecting mates, that it’s almost the norm. I feel so much better for the dude when he finds out about his slutty cheating girl. I personally like a good slut and wish that men (and women) would’t give them such a bad name. I prefer the term vaginally/orally free spirited.

Whatever the case, look on the bright side. Now you have the freedom to go bang some other chick… really. I mean like right at that moment. Whatever you do, don’t just stand there and stare at them/us and start asking her why, how long,  and how she could do such a thing. It’s so cliché. It’s also very awkward and awkward situations make my penis soft. Give me the courtesy to finish what I’ve started. Thank you.

We understand that you want to know the answers to these pressing questions, but it just isn’t the right time for that and it’s fairly inconsiderate to both me and your cheating girl. Besides, you standing there is just gonna make her feel weird and shy and  she won’t do all the dirty, disgusting, filthy things she normally does to me when you’re not there. Man, I LOVE your cheating girl!

Or… you could just pull a number (so to speak), wait ’til I’m done, find out if anyone’s next in line, and if so, wait your turn like everyone else. Don’t worry, sluts can never get enough. And that’s why she calls for Dick, daily.

So, that’s my four cents on your cheating girl. In the end; whether she’s my girl, your girl or your neighbors girl, in the grand scheme we all share the same girl. Stop being selfish and let me enjoy…

…your cheating girl.

The end (of your relationship. your sanity. your life.)

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