Out of Body Experience

by d. daly on January 29, 2011

Have you ever had an out of body experience or an OBE for short? I’ve had one and that shit was fucking scary. When it happened I just thought it was a nightmare, but upon further research I discovered that I actually had an OBE. There are even people that practice inducing OBEs and have fun with them, but that’s another story for another day. I wanna tell you a little about my out of body experience.

It was around 2003-2004. I had a girlfriend at the time and I was at her house, but she was out of town visiting her parents, or least that’s what she told me. She could have been down the street screwing her neighbor’s brains out for the weekend, but I’d like to think she went to visit her parents. This girlfriend also had a dog, which I was left to watch. Bitch! So, this is the background of my story. This story is completely true, except for some parts I embellish for comedic effect. I make this disclaimer to keep me from going to jail. Ok, here we go.

So, I’m laying down in my girlfriends bed and then I notice that she’s laying behind me, but as I mentioned before she wasn’t there. She puts her arms around me to cuddle and snuggle. I let her. And then suddenly her grip begins to tighten and she turns into the fugliest demon I’d ever seen. And I fucking panic. I struggle to break free, but the grip just gets tighter and the room begins to rumble. The harder I fight the more it shakes. If I had just eaten I would have shat myself. The feeling was like a very heavy bench press and it felt like I would die if I did not get it off me. But, like the beast that I am, I bust through it. And just like that, I’m awake to an empty room with deafening silence. I can hear my heart beat. I feel scared and a little violated. I lay there quietly and think pretty thoughts. Like flowers, and rainbows, and leprechauns… oh never mind those little fucks scare the shit out of me. I think other pretty thoughts. Hmmm vaginas.

So I’m trying to relax and keep from falling back asleep. I get up and walk around the room to take my mind off of what just happened. I go look in the closet. Peep out the window, but it’s dark and creepy. Then I go to the mirror to give myself a pep talk. I tell myself to stop acting like a fucking pussy and man up and go back to sleep. So I’m looking into the mirror and… I shit you not…there is the same demon behind me in the mirror. He grabs me and we do that awful dance all over again. This time I break away much faster, but once I wake up I feel totally mind fucked. I was distraught. I was way beyond violated at this point. I couldn’t even trust my self to know if I was awake or asleep. This made me go a little crazy for a little while.

I kept looking behind me to see if anything was there. And I stayed the fuck away from that gotdamned mirror. I had issues trusting my first waking moments every day. Each time I woke up I’d say “Ha ha. You can’t trick me. I know I’m not awake. Come out wherever you are.”

My girlfriend grew increasingly concerned and she would express her concerns to me without me asking her opinion. This upset me. I told her that she’d better shut her evil trap and keep her hands off of me before I slayed her. I purchased a sword from the pawn shop just for that purpose. She became a lot less vocal about the whole thing and kept her hands to her self. It was a rough time for us both. But we managed to make it through.

Eventually things got back to normal and she didn’t have to worry about me slaying her anymore. But sometimes, for fun, I’d pretend I was still crazy and chase her around with the sword. This was always fun, but only until the cops showed up; then it became attempted murder. I mean seriously, Mr. Officer how many times do you think I’m gonna “attempt” to murder this girl? If I wanted to do it I’d have done it by now.

Quite frankly, before things got good again they got pretty dark. Especially in the beginning and most especially when I was alone.  I may have slipped into insanity for a while. It was so bad that I would absolutely not, under any circumstances, believe that I was awake. I’d break things when I woke up to prove to myself that I was dreaming, thinking  that I’d wake up to the TV or the A/C unit still in perfect condition again. It never was. I’d piss my pants and think that the bed would be dry when I really woke up. It never was. I would strangle my girlfriend in her sleep, thinking that she was a demon out to get me. Turns out that she actually was. But that’s another story fro another day.

Interesting side-note: It turns out that even if you piss your pants in a dream you’ll really wet the bed. Lesson learned. Another lesson learned; if you want to piss on your girlfriend, do it while she is sleeping and tell her you had a dream that you were pissing. Sure she’ll be mad, but at least you save the $50 you’d have to pay a prostitute to do the same thing. Then you can take that $50 and buy your girlfriend something nice and she’ll forget all about you pissing all over her face. Kinda like a prostitute. Things that make you go, “hmmm.” But, I digress

Back to my moment of insanity – the part that I am most ashamed about. One day (brace yourself) I even made love to the dog when I was positive that I was sleeping, just to prove that I would never do something so disgusting as fuck a dog in real life. As it turns out, I would and it’s not so disgusting after all. I’m not proud of this and once I realized it wasn’t a dream I was a little ashamed of myself, but we actually became closer. And each time after it became more natural and less weird, but for some reason it never became more legal. We eventually stopped and drifted apart because I called her a bitch once, and she just couldn’t forgive me. But she didn’t even realize that she was, in fact, a complete bitch. I mean scientifically speaking, you know. Not like that bitch of a girlfriend that broke up with me for having sex with her dog. Total bitch.

So, that’s my story of my OBE. I know it went somewhere you didn’t expect, but such is life. If you’ve ever had an OBE please share your story with me. I promise I won’t judge you.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Tenille Daly January 31, 2011 at 6:53 pm

omg!

d. daly February 1, 2011 at 1:24 am

Tenille, this blog is off limits to you.

Vincent February 1, 2011 at 3:30 am

Consciousness isn’t as stable and predictable as we like to believe. I had an experience with what is actually “sleep paralysis”, which is where you wake up and cannot move and feel an oppressive weight bearing down on your chest. I got over it, and woke up – but it took a second:) I believe that what you’re describing is actually called a “false awakening”, or “a dream within a dream”, and a Harvard study found that it is likely to coincide with what’s called “lucid dreaming”, which is when you’re aware that you are dreaming while it is happening. They’re different experiences, but often overlap:)

Sounds like yours was intense – probably some deeply buried emotional trauma demanding attention.

d. daly February 1, 2011 at 4:42 am

Yeah, Vince I’ve had many experiences with sleep paralysis. When that happens it’s actually how you enter a lucid dream, if you control it. Most people just panic, like I did and miss out on the opportunity to “separate” from their body and go exploring. A recent paralysis episode prompted me to look into it and that’s how I came across this OBE stuff. I found some cool videos on youtube that show you how to induce OBEs: part 1 part 2. There are many interesting ones out there. So it got me to thinking abut what happened and I decided to write about it. And the demons don’t necessarily mean trauma. And I have almost nothing buried. I disclose all my deepest darkest secrets in jokes.

Sniper Que February 4, 2011 at 2:57 am

My sister in law has sleep paralysis. She gets night terrors because cataplexy.

Side note, don’t drink the water in Korea. From what I hear, it makes your cock small. This is why Koreans people have little dicks, you wonder how I know? I’ve watched a few Asian pornos in my hay day. This served two purposes, 1) I got to watch people fuck and 2) it made me feel like twice the man. But that is neither here nor there. Did I mention that I’m a amateur tattoo artist and a profession porn star? I did both at once one time, but I digress.

Bruh, you need to write more, you have a talent.

d. daly February 4, 2011 at 5:46 am

I’ve never had a serious night terror. I did have a dream one that a squirrel was attacking my face and i murdered that sucker, but in the morning my glasses were destroyed.
About the water: Now I know why the girls always give me water shots instead of soju. They’re just trying to make life easier for themselves. Never knew.
If you’re really in “the biz” I might need to holler at you. That’s my life’s back-up plan. But how do you do that and a tattoo at the same time.
And I appreciate the uplift. I will try to write more. Just need the inspiration. Some shit has to happen.
Btw, that’s a really long email address.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: