You’re soooo dirty
I attended the boreyoung mudfest which is held each year at Daecheon swimming beach. I must say that I had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It’s pretty much a festival of mud for people to play in and get down and fuckin’ dirty.
There were mud slides, mud baths, muddy people, muddy streets, buddy balls and muddy vaginae. Not to mention mud slinging, (mostly accidental) mud eating, and my personal favorite – mud wrestling!
The reason I loved the mud wrestling pit is because you had a bunch of guys and girls all in a big inflatable tub filled with mud, wresting each other. It would be perfect if we didn’t have to keep our clothes on and our genitalia to our selves. But alas, fun was still had.
Initially, it was just the guys wrestling the girls. Where all adults here so that set-up seemed to make sense. Then you get s few buddies that go at it to impress their girls. They fight, they laugh, they fall. And then you started to see strangers trying to take each other down in a playful test of strength. Well, that was cool to, but anyone that knows me knows that I don’t like to lose when it comes to testing strength. I’m not saying I always win, but I hardly ever lose. And pretty soon I became the guy to beat in the mud pit.
I even became a mini celebrity at the festival for my rather impressive dump-a-mutha-fucka-on-his-neck skills. You should have seen me, I was wreckin’ anyone that was brave enough to put their hands on me. I went gentle on the ladies and always made sure to cop a feel of something soft on their way down.
Interlude: The Mud-Wrestler: The Meteoric Rise and Fall of a Mud-wrestlin’ Legend
Dick Daly enters the mud-wrestling pit. he observes the behavior of the participants. “Seems like fun”, he thinks, and he slowly begins to part-take. A little push here, a little shove there, pinning girls down on the mat. Feelin’ on asses and squeezing in titties. Fun times.
But, soon that fun turns into a bit of a male domination competition. Guys are starting to play a little bit rougher. Dudes are going down a bit harder. While this was not what Dick Daly signed up for, this is definitely Dick Daly’s type of environment. He gets tested once or twice and quickly gets involved in the head-bangers’ ball. And boy, did he bang some heads!.
Everyone that tried to take Dick Daly down got taken down instead, and soon he was the target for every male in the wrestling pit. Dick Daly became the man to take down, but to no ones avail. They tried double-teams, sneak-attacks, trips, kicks, and other tricks, but Dick Daly always came owt on top.
New challengers came and old challengers went. A crowd was starting to form as people heard the frequent “oooohs” and “aaaawwws” as victim after victim ate dirt (literally) at the hands of Dick Daly. But, it was all in good, dirty fun. Each man was extended a hand and was helped up; respect was given and received.
No longer just a game…
Dick Daly, while having a blast, was starting to get a bit tired, but now was not the time to quit. An acquaintance of the legend in the making began to organize a show, clearing everyone out of the pit so that there were only two people inside; Dick Daly and his next victim. Suddenly there was pressure to perform.
(The video below shows how the one-on-one matches got started. Right around the 1:50 mark)
First up was a good friend of Dick Daly, who shall remain nameless due to the shame that was brought upon him. They went for a few rounds and each round, just like all the ones before and after, went roughly the same way: Started with two people standing. Somewhere in the middle of the fight one person was in the air. Finally at the end, someone was on their back with a man-beast on top of them.
Challengers began to line up as each dude wanted to test their abilities and impress the ladies. No such luck, my friends. Every single opponent was completely dominated and wrecked on site.
Now this may seems like an exaggeration or embellishment, but I shit you not. Dick Daly won at least 2o battles that day, of which about half were head-to-head in front of a massive crowd in the ring of death (ok, it was just mud).
The Bigger They Are The Harder They Fall
Suddenly, in walks, what turned out to be, the final challenger. The mere mortal that would take down the legend. His name – unknown. His weight, roughly 150 Kg. His sport -ssireum wrestling (Korean wrestling).
At first glance, he just looks like an overweight korean with an unimposing face or body. Another easy victory. Then, he hikes up his shorts and you can see the hulking tree trunks that he uses as legs. His stance in low and sturdy. His eyes are focused. His face means business. And apparently he’s running an ass-whooping business. The two men square up and engage in battle.
They both put up a good fight. The man without a name is strong and stable, but Dick Daly is quick and powerful. They shove and bump and try to control one another. It was like a chess match of physical strength that lasted only seconds.
Finally Dick Daly sees an opening and makes his move. He gets one leg. Then another, and proceeds to drives no-name down into the mat. But, at that very same moment Dick Daly begins to feels a sharp pain in both of his hamstrings, he ignores the pain and continues to carry out the maneuver that will solidify his spot on the throne. But, just as the man without a name, was inches from having his back on the mat, he reversed the attack and landed on top, granting him victory over Dick Daly.
Humility and The Licking of Wounds
Dick Daly lays there in pain, pride and legs hurting with shame, but quickly realizes he must get back to his feet and stand tall. He does so, congratulates his opponent, bows to the crowd and makes his way out of the ring. No longer the king, dethroned by a stronger more capable fighter; Dick Daly exits the ring with his head held high, but carrying a heavy heart. And so goes the story of the mud-wrestler. Every dog has his day and this dog has had one hell of a good one.
The (bitter) End.
Sorry for the long story, but it had to be told. And while I was a little disappointed in my loss, I was well respected by everyone I encountered for the rest of the trip. The whole weekend people congratulated me as they passed by me. Even though a lot of dudes came to talk to me to find out what fighting background I had, or what supplements I take and shit like that, the reward came when a pretty little lady came up and told me how impressed they were. I would try to capitalize on those moments by asking for sympathy sex or blow job. Didn’t work quite as charmingly as I thought it would. But you can’t blame a dude for trying.
It rained for much of the festival, but it didn’t really matter because we were all dirty most of the day anyways. But, at some point you want to go clean up, change clothes and participate in some of the night life, which I did. But, the rain never let up and it limited the amount of real estate you could cover in a night on foot.
I met with some fellows on a ship (da bruhz) and we ate, drank, and fraternized for a while. Then I went to a beach-house party and mingled with a bunch of drunk and wild people. It felt like a spring break vacation back in the states without the crabs and pepper spray.
I eventually grew tired and wanted to rest my aching bones for a few hours. However, when I ended up back in my room I found that some dip shit came in and took our blankets and pillows. I quickly and quietly wished a painful death upon them or someone they held dear.
You see, the accommodations were shared, “korean-style”, rooms. Blankets and pillows and the floor. No big deal. All I really need is a crust and a corner and I’m good. But, I had a lady friend with me who was planning to sleep in my room because hers was overcrowded. We finally ended up getting a hotel about 30 minutes down the street and called it a night.
The next day I got up with some friends for a bite to eat. We chatted and had a few drinks. But it had to come to an end and I finally made my way to the buses to depart for Busan.
The trip was a blast and even though I am super sore and tired as shit right now, I would definitely recommend this event to anyone of any age at least one time if you happen to be in S. Korea during that time.
It was like being a kid again, except this time I was the one doing the drinking and beating.