Gun Tie: kinda like “gun shy,” but nothing like it

by d. daly on February 10, 2014

gun tie

Have ever had experienced a series of events, however small, strung together in succession, in pretty close proximity to one another, and have them collectively combine to create a creepily coincidental moment that you just have to share, but don’t have anyone with you to share it with? No? Well, you simply must. But in all seriousness I’ve had one of these moments today and I’m not just writing about it because I had no one to share it with at the time. Even though it has me wondering now if that is, in fact, the reason why. At any rate, I just wanted to bring up this phenomenon that sometimes sneaks it’s way into even the most terrible of days and takes you by semi-sweet surprise.

Well here goes my moment. So, I’m at a Wal-Mart (I know. I hate myself, so save it.) returning a headset speaker combo thingy that I bought for a podcast or netcast (depending on you political affiliation) that I record on a bi-weekly basis with my older brother, Clay and my younger cousin, Ty. Actually, “Clay” and “Ty” are their nicknames, respectively, but pay attention to the latter as it will tie into this story in just a bit. I don’t want to point out the obvious, but see what I did there? Any way, before we get to that…

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So, we’re back at Wal-Mart, surrounded by low prices, fairly low expectations and slightly lower paid employees, doling out mediocre customer service in the fuckin’ “Customer Service” department. You would think, of all departments, that customer service would be the best in this particular one. But that’s kind of like expecting your emergency to be treated as such in an emergency room. The world, I tell ya… You make me crazy, you make me wild. So what? I like Lana Del Ray.

But I, as I usually do, digress. Ok, ok. I’ll try to stay on track. Today is Monday and on those days I usually wear a suit. Not all Mondays, but most. On this particular Monday, I decide to wear my skinny black tie, with a drawing of a gun towards the bottom of it. The thing I like about this ties is that, when the suit is buttoned, you cannot clearly see the gun. But once undone, it’s pretty obvious what I’m packin’ down there (at the bottom of my tie, perv). Actually in all seriousness, it kinda looks like a gun is sticking out my zipper when seated and the tie is exposed.

The moment I saw this tie, years ago, in either a Spencer’s or Hot Topic, I decided it was a must-have. And I didn’t drop those names because they are cool places to shop, especially for anything you plan to wear to work. I just wanted to put it out there that there is nowhere I won’t look for something different and unique. I also want to make my co-workers a little bit unsettled around me anytime I feel that they’re getting too close for my personal comfort. Nothing unsettles people more at a work setting than the thought of their co-worker or superior loving guns so much that they must display their love of guns on their attire. To be honest, I’m not that into guns. They look cool, but I’m not exactly jizzing my jeans over an assault rifle or handgun, if you know what I mean.

While I’m in this line I peg a guy behind the register to be the type of person to appreciate my tie. Nothing gay or anything like that. He just seemed like the type that would: A larger fella, with glasses, a Dr. Who pin  and an all around nerdy aura about him. And let’s face it, it’s pretty darn cool to be nerdy these days, so that was in no way an insult. Now, I literally (and I use that word literally) thought in my head that if he were to assist me with the return of my unsatisfactory purchase, that he would make a remark about my tie. I wasn’t positive that would happen, but I knew for a fact he would think it in his head at the very least. Yes, I am that good, folks. I know what you’re thinking, I just ruined the story for you. Well, you wrong. It gets even better.

After years of waiting, it is finally my turn to get served. And wouldn’t you have guessed it, I end up up being served by this guy, who name happens to be… Well, let’s get to that in a bit. So one of the first things he says to me, and I shit you not, is, “I like your tie.” Nailed it! I tell him thanks, and look at the tag hanging from his neck for his name, and guess what his goddamned name is? Close. It’s fuckin’ Ty. Now, the first thing I think is, that that’s my cousin’s nickname, which is pretty coincidental to begin with. But it isn’t until I realize that his name is Ty, as in tie, which is waht tied this whole thing together in the first place. There I was. Mind. Fucked. I just stood there looking around like, “is anyone else seeing this?” Well, I didn’t say it out loud and by the looks of everyone’s faces, they were, in fact, not seeing it. It was just me, in my little bubble, having my little moment. Wish you were there.

Have you ever had one of those? I know I’m not really talking to anyone when I asking this question because my blog hasn’t blown up yet. But if you happen to stumble upon this post and made it this far, I’d like to hear your story. Please share below in the comments.

 

 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Kurt February 11, 2014 at 5:37 am

I’d let you writes papers but I couldn’t figure out how to remove the jizz from them.

d. daly May 4, 2014 at 7:17 pm

I’m super late. Thought no one read this thing anymore. I wrote excellent papers, by the way.

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